


A reunion (which I wrote before the actual happy reunion)

by thewriteday



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M HOURS BEHIND, so much overlap it's dumb but oh well here you go anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:37:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriteday/pseuds/thewriteday
Summary: I wrote this yesterday morning and then hours later THAT KISS and conversation occurred, so this is relatively useless now but I'm posting it anyway, damn it.





	A reunion (which I wrote before the actual happy reunion)

Charity's night is awful. Her head is spinning, Chas keeps shooting her loaded looks across the back bar, and she knows its because she's brooding. But she can't help herself! The whole bloody pub is looking at her like she's a cretin, which honestly she's used to, but this time she doesn't have it in her to fling insults their way. But she can feel what's coming off them in waves. More than disgust, which she could handle, it's the pity that's hitting her like a bale of hay dropped straight on her head. It’s making it hard for her to breathe. 

"Chas, I'm stepping outside for a bit." She says, without meeting her cousin's eyes. 

"Sure, whatever you need." And Charity can hear the pitying poison in her voice too - like when she'd said, "No one's perfect," and all Charity could think was "No one is further from perfect than I am." 

On her way out, she passes a garbage can in the kitchen and ties off the bag, bringing it with her outside to the dumpster so it can at least appear as though she's doing something productive. 

As she flings the door wide, it slams open with a little more authority than she'd intended, eliciting a little shriek/gasp from whomever is standing, for some reason, near to the wall. Charity jumps herself, surprised to find anyone out here at all since Marlon's just taken his break and is now neck-deep in late dinner orders. 

"Ness?" Charity blinks when she realizes who is hiding in the shadows like a frightened creature. "What you doing out here?" 

Vanessa readjusts her purse strap over her shoulder, having nearly dropped it at the sound of unwanted company. Her hair is done and she's wearing a little makeup, like she's been trying to impress someone. 

"Trying to work up the nerve to come in, I guess." Vanessa mutters. There's a little hostility in her voice.

"Bad date?" Charity asks, softly, like she isn't herself for a moment. 

"It was awful."

"Well, that’s what happens when you trade down," Charity says as she finally tosses the trash bag she's been carrying into the bin with more force than necessary. 

Vanessa's jaw tightens. "I didn’t have anything to trade, right? We’re just two single women."

"Right." Charity should just turn and run right then, every one of her instincts is telling her to do so. So she almost surprises herself when she asks, "What made it so terrible then?"

Vanessa folds her arms across her chest. "Like you care."

"I do actually, else I wouldn’t have asked." And Charity hopes that when she says it, it doesn't sound like a lie. Because for once, it isn't. 

Vanessa hesitates, as if trying to read into just how many ways wrong this can go. Then she looks at the ground and shakes her head. "It was… okay, for a bit. A little awkward. And then she asked me if I had kids, out of the blue, and I didn’t have it in me to lie, so I told her about Johnny. Then she left for the bathroom and disappeared. Didn’t even bother to text." 

Charity swallows. It's not what she expected. She expected to have a fresh flare of jealousy (well, maybe that bit about the making out) not this strange wave of whatever is happening to her guts right now. "Oh. Well, that’s crap, babe. I’m sorry."

Somehow the apology lands askew. "Are you?! Because this is what you wanted all along isn’t it? For me to just be alone forever, not with anyone, not with you."

"Ness, stop." Charity doesn't have the energy left to fight tonight. 

"No! I hate it! I never know what you want except when I know  _exactly_  what you want because I do too. But I’m tired of wanting a bit more and getting smacked down every time I think anything real might happen!"  Vanessa's voice has raised in volume and pitch and the air is clouding from the heat of her breath. Her expression is something like exasperation, but then it changes, like she's just realized which exact words have left her mouth. 

"What? What exactly are you trying to say?" Charity takes a few steps towards her. 

"Never mind." The colour is high in Vanessa's cheeks now and she turns away from the streetlamp as if she can hide it. 

"No, I want to know." Charity licks her lips, feeling a renewed ember of... something she can't quite put her finger on. But whatever it is, she wants to keep stoking it. "Look, I’m sorry for being... me. But you know how I am, love! I’m not trying to push you away."

"You’re trying to get my attention." Vanessa says, voice low and close, as if she's saying it more to herself than anyone else. 

Charity's head drops for a second. The edges of their first night together, the memories of all that sloppy, ridiculous enjoyment, are fuzzy. But she remembers feeling warm, feeling right. That's what's creeping in now, it's what's crept in every time they're together, properly so. “What were you trying to say?” Charity's voice is gentle again, gentle in ways she's only heard herself with one of her kids. Like she's terrified about what's at stake, but happy too. She can feel Vanessa's eyes on her, so she finally looks up to meet them. They're seeking reassurance in hers and all Charity can hope is that she's offering it. 

Vanessa lets out a deep ragged sigh and her face seems to split wide open. "I want you, Charity. I want to... see you, or whatever. I want to see what it feels like to be actually  _with_  you for once, instead of just against you."

"In every sense of the word..." 

Vanessa rolls her eyes again. But Charity just shakes her head, dislodging her own running commentary. "Hey, sorry! It’s a habit. It’s just how I am. And I know it’s not always fun or easy, but that’s just it.  _I’m_  not always fun or easy. And I know that right now you think you want to see more than that, but I’m warning you, it isn’t pretty. I’m not... pretty inside. Not like you."

Vanessa’s head tilts to look at her sideways, as if trying to appraise her worth. But her eyes are soft, searching. Like she's already found an answer. "Is that what you think I’m expecting? Charity, I know there’s more to you. I think I’ve even seen it sometimes. I know it’s messy and complicated because that’s how people are. I'm not perfect either. But you keep hiding under all the bravado and putting on airs and I can  _tell_  you want someone to try and get underneath it all, but trying goes both ways! I can’t keep waiting forever, and I don’t intend to. I just want you. Like I’ve never wanted anyone in my whole life, but you keep pushing me away-" 

"Well I couldn't tell, could I?! You're saying you want me, like maybe you've  _been_  wanting me, but all you do is keep running in the other direction!" Charity's voice is high and her hands are near shaking as they're outstretched to Vanessa. "You kept making it seem like you wanted nothing to do with me and now you're here and you're saying these things like I was just supposed to know." 

The colour drains from Vanessa's face and she looks at Charity like there aren't words left. She can't hold her gaze for long and her eyes drop to the ground again. She looks as though she’s about to turn tail.

Just then, Charity lunges for her and Vanessa gasps. But instead of kissing her, Charity throws her arms around her neck and pulls her close. For a moment, Charity can't breathe. She feels like the world isn't spinning, like everything is still and she's never going to be able to breathe again, but then Vanessa's arms slip around her waist and she lets out what air she had left, feeling some of the tension start to drip away. "I've been an idiot," she says. 

"We both have." Vanessa mumbles into Charity's shoulder. She pulls back from Charity a little so she can see her face. Vanessa's eyebrows tighten in concern as she reaches up and dabs her thumb at Charity's cheek. It's then that she feels it's wet, an errant tear having slipped out, unbidden. Charity almost winces, afraid that the first thing she's really showing to Vanessa is weakness. But her eyes aren't pitying, maybe a little concerned, but more than that, they're open. And ready. And for a moment, Charity doesn't feel the fear at all. 

Suddenly the door behind them swings open and Chas leans out. "Oy, are you coming back in or am I on my own the rest of the-" She sees Vanessa's head pop out from behind Charity. "Oh! Never mind! As you were!" 

Charity hangs her head back and groans. "Oh god, I'm never going to hear the end of that one." 

Vanessa shifts a little in her arms. "Is that okay?" 

Charity looks back down at her and smiles broadly. "Yep." And then she leans in for a slow, luxuriating kiss, welcoming that net of desire that catches and holds her there. It feels different this time, kissing her. There's always been something there, since that first time she leaned in and stoked what's now burning between them. But this time it feels like there's something more. Something promised. Something on offer that she never would have expected in the pub cellar on the night of a funeral. 

She ends the kiss slowly and leans their foreheads together. "What do you say? Do you think you've worked up the nerve to come in yet?" She nods behind her towards the pub. 

Vanessa grins and then bites her bottom lip. "Depends, what are we going in as?" 

"Well, I think we're a little old for the word girlfriends." 

"Hmmm," Vanessa hums and considers this. "How about we’re just together then." 

Charity smiles wider. "Yeah. I think I can live with that." 


End file.
